Florida bans school

FLORIDA - Just two days after banning AP Psychology, Florida's governor, Ron DeSantis, announced on late Friday morning that the state of Florida will now ban all forms of schooling. This announcement comes from long-standing worries that schools are teaching kids dangerous practices such as critical thinking, problem solving, and creativity.

The state plans to launch their own education program which will focus solely on praising Ron DeSantis. Instead of the conventional five days a week in school, Florida will now have only one day of learning per week: Sunday. According to Cord Byrd, the secretary of Florida, on this day, "The kids will spend an hour in the morning learning about our great leader, Ron DeSantis."

Some residents are worried that these changes could hurt Florida's future. DeSantis refutes this. "Instead of thinking about our future, we need to think about now, like 2024 election now. This is what matters," he proclaims.

The government is hoping to sell the public on the move by how much money they will save. "Now we can put all that money into more important things, like my pockets," DeSantis said.