Coach fired in response to players being absolutely horrible

After yet another losing season for the Golden Eagles, Coach Willow Brewer was fired late Monday morning.

When asking around for details on why, most shrugged. It turns out nobody actually knows what coaches do. "Isn't the coach the person that checks into the game and plays?" one person asked.

But what we do know, is that they are easy to blame. "I was mad that our team was doing bad and wasn't sure who to blame, so I saw that guy that's always standing on the sidelines there, and was like yeah, 'that guy's gone tomorrow,'" the general manager said.

One front office member did offer some input into the reasoning for the firing, however. "After seeing our players get outmatched physically and mentally for a season, it was clear that the coach was the problem," they said.

This is now the eighth coach in the past six years for the Golden Eagles, and there is confusion in the front office as to why all these coaches are failing in the program. "We keep getting these coaches from winning teams that happen to have incredible players, and then they come here and start losing with our garbage players. It makes no sense," the manager said, unable to make the extremely obvious connection.

There is confidence in the organization that the next head coach will be the one to make all the players grow four inches and become good at the sport before the start of next season.